Ed-word 2008

The ED-Word
in 2008

So you think you’re an artist, writer, poet, or philosopher? Well, I am none of those things, but I have seen one on TV, and I think that makes me qualified to play one on the internet. When you feel like your audience just does not feel the emotional meaning of your latest “piece”, I’ll be here to offer you my words, a little yang for your yin, and a multi-year billion dollar solution for a two dollar problem.

Click here to read Ed-word in 2007.

June 1. 2008

OK friends, I get the feeling you have not taken heed.

I say, beware the Macbook Air – you give me record sales, the damn thing gilded, and take bodily injury over a scratch.
I say don’t trust crazy estate agents who try to sell you houses with dead people. But you did not listen.
I say, don’t put your kids in vending machines, and wham, bam! (Seriously parents, watch your kids.)

Well, so much for advice. I guess I will stick to things I know nothing about… Like science and technology:

Science keeps us gripping at the edge of our seats. What will they cure next? – can we really fly in tomorrow’s cars? – What caused global warming? <choose one: natural, man-made or angry god(s)> – Can we reverse it? <If you chose god(s) the answer is probably no>

Here are a few of my favorite projects which just might bring us one step closer to the utopian future

1.      Harnessing the power of hamster to play MIDI music – At first I thought, MIDI is event driven music messages which are generally played through a terrible sounding synthesizer. A hamster is a lame pet that smells bad. But wait…. mmmMaybe Levy is right! Maybe I can do something entertaining with a hamster. Thank god MIT could fund that. I was going to feed him to a snake next week. (See those things in action)

2.      “Chicken Plucking as a Measure of Tornado Wind Speed” – Although Bernard Vonnegut may have been evaluating the obvious; I can tell you as an Oklahoman you can never explain how fast tornadic winds are to your friends without a lot of beer and sound effects. The Fujita scale has too coarse a resolution and we needed something to break that common ground. Well done sir, well done.

3.      Love = OCD – As the world evolves beyond our control it is important to maintain our understanding of our basic emotions. So wash your hands, and be good to one another, then wash your hands again…. And maybe once more.

For more life savers, check out the Ig Nobel Prize winners at http://improbable.com/

Jan 27^th 2008

It’s sooo thin, I can stick it anywhere!

Greetings from the world of tech-gadgetry and aerodynamics! I present you the MacBook Air.
_________________________________   Ok that’s it. The 0.16inch laptop claims to be the worlds thinnest. How could we class that up? Well, for starters let’s try that again in metric . . . The 4.06mm lappy claims to be the worlds thinnest. And it only weighs 3lbs (1.36kg).

But wait a minute, I thought a laptop's size was defined by technology. Did Apple just tear Moore a new one? Nope, they just squeezed out some of the less essential elements. For example, no CDRW/DVD drive – but that’s OK, you're not going to play games on it anyway . . . or watch DVD movies. You can always get those off of iTunes (for a small fee of course). That is, assuming you have a wireless router, since the Air has no Ethernet port. And any extensions must be plugged into the single USB port. (That’s right! Only 1. No firewire, no multi-card reader, just 1 USB port on a fold-out flap.) Oh, did I mention standard USB devices might not fit? Endgadget did:

OK, for all that, what do you want to pay? Remember, here you are getting the thinnest laptop for all your wireless internet and word processing needs. How about $1800 USD? What if I told you could exchange your small 80gig hard drive for a 60gig flash for just $1000 more?? And let’s add in $129 to replace that battery after 1-2 years. Note that you cannot just buy a battery and do it yourself. There's no access on this baby--you have to take it right back to the store/service-center for repair. OK, so we are looking at 3 grand to check your email remotely. (At least it is slightly lighter than other laptops and slightly bigger than email only gadgets . . .)   Oh, wait- the Asus Eee PC has been out for some time at $400 and a mere 2lbs. I guess it does not have as much hard drive space to save all those iTunes downloads and doesn't have a list of accessories like this pseudo manila folder case. But at almost an 1/8^th of the cost it will probably do.

So, you may ask, how did a company with such brilliant products only make 3.68 billion in revenue this QUARTER??!! It sure wasn't advertising. Look at this clip from the Today Show where host Meredith Vieira actually commits to licking the Macbook Air to assert dibs: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZPklZE8b_Y

It must be the customers/fan-boys . . . Are they not doing their part???

Nope, suckers in droves are drooling over the damn things without even opening them up. The problem here is simple: population. There are only about 6.6 billion people in the world, many in developing nations sans wireless internet. Today I leave a challenge for those of you fortunate enough to live in a developed country. BREED! Try and make as many Apple customers as possible. In fact, throw away all your old Apple products and buy them new. I mean – crap - have you seen this year's colors?! It can be an experience to share with your new baby. They don’t need a college fund; they just need to be good consumers. Your foreign invested economy will thank you.

Click here to read Ed-word in 2007.